Coming home to myself

Health and wellness are in our hearts and minds right now. Anxiously viewing my friends and family from a distance of 2 metres,  connection feeing much less tangible. So I’d love to share a snippet of my life, with a hope that others will find healthy ways to navigate. I will only share ways which successfully worked for me. I invite feedback from my beautiful community ❤️ It’s good to have a variety of tools within your self care toolkit. For those of you out there that know me, by anyone’s standards, I have had equalizing challenges in recovery of a recent divorce. I now look back of these life circumstances with huge gratitude for enabling me to see and learn so many things that helped me and others feel better faster ~ I now consider this to be my life mission. At the time when I was suffering most it was very challenging to see the great benefits these difficult times would bring.

Personally, one of the most recent massive life changes for me was leaving my relationship after 24 years. I discovered something which was a non negotiable for me. One day I was living happily and continuing to plan our future life together with my husband and the next day I moved out of or family home with just a bag of clothes and a broken heart. I was in a state of shock & disbelief I had no idea this was my future. I didn’t know what I was going to do, I had very little income having changed my career path from managing a charity to working for myself teaching yoga. I had no home and actually ended up couch-surfing for over 1 year. 

After a short amount of time I realized I was never going back so I cut all contact with my ex. I knew that any contact would clarify my new much needed boundaries with my ex. On reflection, I realized that I had ignored the signs and signals   along the way, that coupled with my voice being drowned out by the noise of my ex. I had become disconnected from myself. I’m not coming from a place of blame, just a lesson in the importance of listening to and trusting my intuition. No contact, took strong will power and a decision to focus my attention on looking forward to this growing NEW… and what I was becoming or just couldn’t see in me until bow. What I knew was, I needed to soothe myself and in that moment think about what would make me feel better right now. Any time a thought of my ex came to my mind I would say in my head I love you, I’m sorry, please forgive me, thank you. It was amazing how powerful this was and helped me not to create negativity or stories in my mind. 

I consciously decided to put myself first, practice self love and create a daily routine. This daily ritual began as soon as I woke up in the morning, I would practice gratitude thinking about the warmth and feeling of comfort for the sofa I had slept on, the safety of the roof over my head, the family support surrounding me. I would immediately meditate and would focus on my breath and any time my mind wondered I came back to the breath. As I showered I would imagine all stress and tension draining away down the plug hole and my body being filled with love and light. I continued to teach Trapeze yoga as I know so well the benefits of exercise and particularly Trapeze yoga as it gets you into play mode. During the class my worries and stress vanished like a miracle. 

Not long after I left the marriage, the opportunity to go to Maui presented itself to me and it was the space and distance I needed to heal. It empowered me greatly as I had never really been the one to organize travel, go to a place alone or drive on the other side of the road. This was a time of growth for me and a time to look at what I really wanted in my life. I used the power of my imagination to think in detail what my ideal life would look like, feel like, sound like, what I would be doing. I knew the imagination is what creates your reality and future. I wanted to use it in a positive and empowering way. 

Dealing with a divorce is very rarely going to be easy but from day one I trusted my lawyers and I chose that the outcome I wanted was one where an outsider looking in would consider it to be fair. When I struggled with meetings I pretended I was there representing my best friend and advised myself in that way I became my own best friend. If I felt fragile I would do power postures to release confident hormones in my body. All the tips I had shared with so many before in my previous work I was now doing myself. When I had wobbly days I would reach out to my friend and we would do an intervention which generally involved getting into child mode and playing to shift my negative trance. Without going into the details of this practice, it literally created miracles for me. If I felt lonely and needed a hug I would wrap my arms around my own body and hug myself. I knew that looking externally would be looking for love in all of the wrong places. I also knew that to create and maintain a happy life I could not become bitter towards my ex. So if he came into my mind or up in conversation I would think or say out loud two positive aspects about him. Not easy by any stretch of the imagination….I just kept up the practice. This caused my family great concern with them thinking I would go back to a life that wouldn’t make me happy. I had absolute confidence in myself that I wouldn’t but could totally understand that for others it would make them vulnerable to going back. I just know we are all human and he was in pain too. 

To occupy my time I decided to volunteer in a charity shop. Volunteering or acts of kindness are also something I would highly recommend. It’s such a win win situation to have the sense of purpose, the good feeling of knowing you are helping others is such a benefit to yourself. I ended up buying lots of gorgeous second hand clothes and donating mine back to them. Having left my home with only my clothes I went through them one by one deciding if they made me feel happy and good about myself so I did a massive cull of my clothing and now wear bright, beautiful and comfortable things every day. It was a transformational feeling to be free from the burden of stuff and I became less materialistic, in lots of ways appreciating the simple things in life so much more. I continue to practice 20/20/20 which is 20 minutes meditation, 20 minutes yoga and 20 minutes of learning every dayexcept now I have have the time and space to do this for longer. 

It took over a year to feel the deliciousness of having all my own stuff in my only little place. It is bright, colourful and a complete reflection of who I am. In some ways, the wait allowed me to appreciate it even more. 

I moved into my place on 1st March 2020. As I write this, I am in the comfort of my home  looking at the rainbows reflecting on the walls from the sun catcher. I am creating daily yoga videos, guided meditations, stories for the little humans, inspiring others, connecting with others virtually, going out on my bike, appreciating the sun on my face, working with inspirational men Dan and Luke at Awareful in a business that has the values that align with mine, I see creativity and a planet that has forced us all to pause, face our fears and reflect on our life. I thank and trust the health care workers out there nursing those in need, knowing that something as simple as washing your hands whilst singing happy birthday twice in your mind will prevent the spread of this. The irony is not lost on me that I see and feel connected in a much stronger way than if I wasn’t in my home alone. I have come home to myself. I am living much of the life I imagined for myself in Maui and it feels so good. From a young age I always felt that it’s not what happens to you that matters it’s how you respond that makes the difference and that as an adult you can make choices that enhance your wellbeing or deplete it. The divorce still rumbles on a little bit like background noise, I do what I need to immediately and then tune out and bring myself and my focus back into what brings me joy. 

I know that fear is a natural response to this pandemic but would urge you to understand that from a place of fear you go into black and white thinking. You can help yourself to access clearer thinking and self soothing through the regular practice of relaxation, meditation and yoga. Take time to notice how you feel before and after listening to the headlines, consciously consider how you want to feel and chose to fill your mind with information and things to do that make you feel good. Of course, wash your hands and make sensible choices to keep you and your loved ones safe. Practice self love and self care and through this practice you will connect with who you really are pure love.  To rise up to the adversity to be the amazing, resilient, creative and caring beings we are. 

I am hearing about people and families connecting through technology who were estranged before. I see that there are families spending more time together.Today I received this picture from my niece and her family sent in the post. I felt so happy and proud that they spent time together creating this to melt my heart 💕and bring the biggest smile to my face 😃

Children and animals really know how to connect with who they really are and how to have fun. I look to them for my inspiration. We are all in this together the planet as one. My dearest wish is that from this pandemic another one occurs…. a pandemic of kindness where we transcend fear, where we walk through our life like a naturalist, we do not force our way, we respect things, show up with appreciation and  come out of this happier, healthy, wiser, more evolved, compassionate and peaceful. 

Om shanti, om shanti, om shanti which means to bring peace to your mind, to your body and to your speech. I wish each and everyone of you this and especially at this time.

Nameste 

I love this image, you will notice immediately that I’m pointing my finger out to the world. It’s so easy to point the finger of blame towards others and circumstances for how we feel. There are also 3 fingers pointing back at me. The stark reminder that it is much more challenging to take full ownership of your life by focusing on what you can control. I would encourage you in a compassionate way to take on this challenge. To

1. Consciously think about what you focus your attention on ~ does it make you feel good or bad? Choose what makes you feel good.

2. Consciously think about how you show up to the world and what kind of person you want to be.

3. Decide how you want your life to look, feel and be. Write it down and take tiny action steps every day to make it happen.

When I look at my life it wasn’t the easy, happy, fun times that helped me grow and learn. It was the toughest and most difficult that turned out to be the opportunities to become stronger, wiser and a more resilient person.

 

Namaste