I often talk about the Paradox of Mindfulness in different types of class settings and this last week, well I got to really experience it.
The paradox being:
You have to go through difficulty to test your resillience… So all the mindfulness/meditation gets put to the test when these types of situations arise.
This week has been possibly one of the toughest since I started practising a good 10 years ago now. Having to deal with someone who lies and manipulates trust has helped me in truly putting these years of practise to work.
It hasnt been easy, my heartaches, it has affected my sleep, but acceptance, curiosity and compassion has helped me in exploring these feelings of anxiety, disappointment and sadness.
I wanted to put this post out there as I wanted to re-iterate, even the most solid understandings of the workings of mind and emotions still does not baracade you from the people out there struggling with there own stuff that we meet, work with, live with, partner with, get service from each day.
I have loved being able to rest into the body and watch it work itself out. It is such an intuitive tool… I can not stress this enough. It truly knows what to do if we can give it the space too without the burden of negative/egoic internalisations. We can allow it, with a solid practise, to rectify your emotions without the sense of being tangled within them. I remember talking to the group on the stillness course about a quote, that you are never tangled in your emotions, this is a trick of the mind. They happen, naturally as a result of your environment, and your interactions with it.
So what have I been doing?
Resting, feeling into, calming the negative voice that wants to get angry and get justice by just saying to myself, everything is ok, all will work out, I love you. I have been finishing the sitting by then sending compassion to this person even though my mind can’t comprehend it, the heart knows….
This last bit is so hard when you have been hurt, but if you can, even if it is bit by bit, you feel every part of your body relax and that smile is there again. You begin to realise they are just a person, going through there own stuff. It doesn’t mean backing down or letting them continue to bully you, it just means accepting they arent going to keep hurting you.
That beautiful quote I posted on Facebook yesterday on Thich Nhat Hanh being asked about the anxiety about the world and his response was so beautiful. You can not help to fix it if your heart is filled with anxiety…. Some perfectly timed words by an amazing human.
“I have loved being able to rest into the body and watch it work itself out. It is such an intuitive tool… I can not stress this enough. It truly knows what to do”
Trust in your practise, trust in you, you are more resillient than you could ever realise. The human spirit is so powerful… If you can, rejoice in moments like this where you get an opportunity to work a little closer with incredibly difficult moments, you, as I have will learn so much more about yourself.
And importantly, open up to others about how you are feeling. Just because you are on a ‘spiritual path’ does not mean you need to internalise everything. You have some amazing people around you that only want to see your happiness blosom.
Have an amazing morning…
Much love to you all!